Archive for the Doctor’s orders Category

I’m in the archives!

Posted in Doctor's orders with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 28, 2011 by Doctor Gash

Hello Gorehounds, Gash here. Just want to let you know I haven’t been slacking on my duties. Far from it. Although you haven’t seen many posts from me lately, I want you to know that I am in the process of compiling my archive of movie reviews for http://www.doctorgash.com. There are well over 250 of them and they’ll soon be ready for you to enjoy. Until then, here’s a couple trailers to tide you over. One new and one classic. First Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, apparently it’s not great if you’re a big fan of the Dylan Dog comics, but the trailer looks cool. And the other…ah Tarman.

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night trailer

Return of the Living Dead trailer

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Cuatros Cuertas

Posted in Doctor's orders, Everyday horrors with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2011 by Doctor Gash

This is a story for those of you who have children and have seen The Exorcist (and I’m sure many of you thought twice about the former after doing the latter). The rest of you can certainly read and enjoy this entry, but I think it’ll really hit home with you parental Exorcist veterans.

As many of you know I recently completed Doctor Gash’s Top 10 Horror Movies…ever! and the number one movie was, of course, The Exorcist. Well, if you think the film is off-putting just from viewing it, try researching it and kicking ideas for a write-up around for a couple days. It really begins to settle in on you. I saw more images of Regan MacNeil during those few days of research than I care to see ever again. There is just something about that movie. You know it and I know it. So to set the stage for the story, Captain Howdy had taken up residence in my head and he didn’t seem like he would be moving along any time soon.

Eventually the review got written and that unsettling feeling began to recede every so slowly. That was until I heard the words cuatros cuertas.

Doctor Gash is a family man and I was in the process of tucking my nearly four-year old daughter into bed one night, shortly after the review had been written. The slow recession of Captain Howdy described above had begun and I was starting to believe everything would be okay when my daughter looked and me and said “cuatros cuertas.”

“What was that?” I said.

“Cuatros cuertas,” she said.

“What does cuatros cuertas mean,” I asked, curious as to what Spanish phrase she may have picked up from Dora the Explorer or Sesame Street.

“Cuatros cuertas,” she said, pointing to my arms. “Four tattoos.” I happen to have two tattoos on each arm.

“Cuatrtos cuertas means four tattoos?”

“Yes.”

Now having two kids, I’ve seen my share of children’s programming and I can say with absolute certainty that I have never seen Elmo, Dora the Explorer, Bob the Builder, Handy Manny or any other cartoon or children’s programming character talk about tattoos (except for maybe Spongebob Squarepants, but it’s common knowledge that he doesn’t speak Spanish).

So I inquired yet again. “You’re telling me cuatros cuertas means four tattoos in Spanish?”

“Yes.”

And I could have just left it at that. I could have just accepted the fact that somewhere along the line this child, who was just about to turn four, learned how to say ‘four tattoos’ in Spanish. But I couldn’t leave it at that.

“Where did you hear that?” I asked. “They don’t talk about tattoos on Dora.

“My brain told me,” was her answer.

Okay, moderately creepy, but nothing I couldn’t handle. It wasn’t until the next thing out of her mouth that the images of Captain Howdy, Regan MacNeil and Fathers Karras and Merrin came flooding in.

“Your brain told you?”

“Yes, my brain whispered in my ear and told me ‘cuatros cuertas means four tattoos.”

Oh my God! Her brain whispered in her ear and now the child is speaking in tongues.

This was not good. All I could picture was the scene from The Exorcist with the yet-to-be transformed Regan sitting in the chair with her right up raised strangely in the air. I believe she was talking about her nice friend Captain Howdy right about then. I wonder if he mentioned anything to her about cuatros cuertas?

I backed out of the slowly, not taking my eyes off the child. I explained that I would be right back. I just had to look something up on the computer. As soon as I was out of the room, I rushed for the computer in the bedroom, being mindful to keep an eye on the door, in case she decided to take a run at me.

My wife noticed my frantic state and asked me what was wrong. I gave her a very quick recount of what had just happened as I typed ‘spanish to english translation’ into Google (I didn’t bother with the capitalization then either). I explained that if this search verified that ‘cuatros cuertas’ means ‘four tattoos’ we would be packing our bags and leaving. I’ve seen far too many movie families hang in far too long in situations like this. We weren’t going to be next. “Let her have the house!” I declared.

As the small Firefox circle spun to indicate work in progress, I heard little feet approaching the door. I quickly accessed the first translation site and typed ‘cuatros cuertas’ into the ‘Spanish’ side and asked for a translation. Not sure about the spelling, I hoped for the best.

While the site searched for the translation, she appeared in the doorway and began walking toward me. My eyes nervously darted between the processing computer screen and the oncoming child/potential demon.

The search results appeared just as she jumped into my lap. “Cuatros cuertas” doesn’t mean anything.

I looked at her and asked “I thought you said, ‘cuatros cuertas’ means ‘four tattoos.’”

Her response was nothing more than a wide grin that seemed to say ‘got you, Dad.’

If she only knew how well. Pazuzu had been avoided…for now.

Gash will beat Jeter to 3,000!

Posted in Doctor's orders with tags , , , , , , , on April 20, 2011 by Doctor Gash

Seems like I just wrote something similar about 2,000 hits for this blog. Thanks to the dedication of you wonderful readers (and the fact that I wrote an article about Amanda Seyfried, my God that woman draws traffic!) we are about to surpass 3,000 hits here at the Gash Blog. Gash Nation (this blog and doctorgash.com) is pushing 5,000 hits! Thanks guys! Stay creepy, Gorehounds!

Check out Doctor Gash’s Facebook page

Posted in Doctor's orders with tags , , , , , on April 19, 2011 by Doctor Gash

  We’ve been getting a great amount of traffic here at the Gash Blog. Just wanted to direct all you Gorehounds over to the Doctor Gash Facebook page where we’d love for you to give the Doctor a ‘like’. So if you’d like to support the cause (and keep the Doctor in a good mood…please keep him in a good mood, won’t you) follow the link to the page and we’ll keep the Doctor busy writing. Thank you. -The Staph

Doctor Gash seeking volunteers…no medical training necessary

Posted in Doctor's orders on April 14, 2011 by Doctor Gash

Greetings Gorehounds! As the landscape of Gash Nation continues to adapt, it has come to my attention that some outside assistance would greatly increase the amount of content the site could provide. Therefore, I am reaching out to you to see if there are any true horror fans out there that would want to be a contributor to this blog and doctorgash.com.

Think it over. It would be a nice way to get your opinion on new horror out there to the masses. I particularly would like someone who goes to the theater to check out the new horror movies. It’s not always easy for me to break away from my practice to get to the cinema.

If interested, drop a line to shallam298@yahoo.com and we’ll talk.

-Gash

2,000 views!

Posted in Doctor's orders with tags , , , on April 8, 2011 by Doctor Gash

Greetings! Just wanted to drop a line to give you a status update on Doctor Gash. After a frantic first couple months, things have calmed down a bit for me. The final installment of Doctor Gash’s Top 10 Horror Movies…ever! will be posted tonight and I’ve still been writing here and there for Dread Central (http://www.dreadcentral.com) on assignment but the initial pace has slowed. I think I’m finding a decent balance.

But the reason for this posting is to let you know that things here on the Gash Blog are going smashingly well! We just crossed 2,000 views on the blog site alone! Thank you all so much. Above is a happy photo of myself taking on New York. Stay slashy, San Diego! -Gash

While you wait…

Posted in Doctor's orders with tags , , , , , , , on April 4, 2011 by Doctor Gash

As I put the finishing touches on the Top 10 Horror Movies…ever! list, I wanted to share this video with you. It’s from Return of the Living Dead and is one of my personal favorites and I cannot watch it without laughing. It’s a riot. I love the way he runs. Definitely one of my favorite zombies ever!!! Enjoy!